Saturday, October 19, 2013

Musings From Slap: Spanking, Kayaking, Quick Draw, and Zane Grey



Between what has turned out to be a lucrative and successful career, my pursuit of a yoga teaching certification, and cramming biking / hiking / running / kayaking into the moments in between, I have spent remarkably little time writing, much less reading.  I do want to take a moment and tell my faithful reader Oscar (and anyone else who reads this) about the western things on my mind.  Maybe I’ll get around to really writing about these in detail, but if not…

Quick Draw- Hulu is running a sexy, irreverent, and laugh out loud funny western series.  From what I gather it is almost all improve in the style of Party Down and the Larry Sanders Show.  John Lehr plays Sheriff John Henry Hoyle, a brilliant yet clueless Harvard trained criminologist who tries to tame a wild west town.  The straight man to his bumbling act is the town madam Honey, played by Allison Dunbar- you’ll tune in to see her fill out her old west prostitute costumes but stay for her deadpan humor.   It’s a short run of eight brilliant episodes, let’s hope Hulu makes more.
 
yeah, baby
Spanking- I wrote about it obliquely before, but in the weeks since I keep running into references to spanking in the oddest places, including classic western stories (like a Louis L’Amour Chick Bowdrie short).  I'm not the first one to notice it, as Steve Hockensmith wrote about it five years agoA lot of my “reading” has been audiobooks lately, and it’s got me constantly on the ready to hit pause when I hear a spanking reference.  My favorite so far is from Graphic Audio’s Great American Westerns rendition of Zane Grey’s “Amber’s Mirage”, where upon being advised that he should spank a wandering girlfriend the main character responds “that’ll be like throwing fuel on the fire!”  Speaking of…




Zane & his teenage mistress
Zane Grey- Ever read between the lines of a Zane Grey story?  He was one horny cowpoke.  Grey got a girlfriend pregnant as a college baseball player, and the family quietly paid off the now unknown mother.  He slept around while dating his future wife, and had a long string of mistresses throughout his life.  He once wrote:

"I love to be free. I cannot change my spots. The ordinary man is satisfied with a moderate income, a home, wife, children, and all that....But I am a million miles from being that kind of man and no amount of trying will ever do any good…I shall never lose the spirit of my interest in women.”


Wild West Con III- Still quite shaken by seeing a performance of Sleep No More in Manhattan last year, I am looking for something visceral and cool to follow.  I am considering going to, of all things, a wild west steampunk convention next year.  We’ll have to see.

Rivers- there is a calm and solitude in kayaking, even with Mrs. Slap paddling besides me.  I spend a lot of time paddling on the river that killed a good friend two years ago, but the waters keep on flowing.  Every time I head out I come back and read a few more pages of Call Down Thunder, Kerry Newcomb’s revision of the larger than life Mike Fink and love of the fickleness of the currents.  Speaking of which, it’s time to get the boats strapped on and the paddles stowed.

Vay con dios.


Thursday, September 19, 2013

Quickshots: Outlaw Territory Vol 3 (Plus Good Things To Say About Peter Brandvold!)



Outlaw Territory, Image’s anthology of short western comics, is back for its third and reportedly final installment.  If this is the last, well, I think that’s okay.  Volume 1 has some genius storytelling and artwork.  Volume 2, never quite rising to the heights of the first, none the less was a solid collection of action packed, sexy westerns.  In Volume 3 the good ideas started running dry.

The stories is Outlaw Territory Vol 3 have more rape than sex, more violence than gore.  O Henry’s legacy as a western writer was evident in the first two volumes, where ironic twists were the order of the day.  Here, the key message is that the west was not so romantic, with bloody bodies and traumatized survivors to drive the point home. 

One exception to this was Peter Brandvold’s Rogue Lawman comic- short, fun, sexy, with an ironic twist at the end.  Even the weirdly stylized art, which I hated at first, ended up working well.  I liked this comic better than his first Rogue Lawman novel.

I still respect the folks at Image for making this series, which took some guts to pull off.  I just wished the last hurrah was better.

Crazy artwork, great story, two thumbs up for Mean Pete!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Who Is Barry Denton?

Who is Barry Denton?  I have no idea.  Apparently he owns a ranch, and traveled a lot.  More importantly, he takes great photographs.  Even more importantly, they often involve less than fully clad cowgirls.  More Barry Denton, I say! 












Sunday, August 25, 2013

Quickshots- Lust on the Prairie



Play Fallout New Vegas, don't watch bad TV, partner!
Recently while looking at the options on late night cable I came across a listing called Lust on the Prairie.  Fondly remembering Bikini Roundup, I decided to record it and give it a shot.  I was hoping for, nay, expecting boots and spurs and horses, and dare I say it even a sixgun or two?  Alas, I was disappointed.  The majority of the movie took place in living rooms, just like… well, every other movie on late night cable (*ahem*, not that I would know anything about that).  I essentially fast forwarded through the entire thing, and while I think I saw a stable blur by, every “action” scene took place on a sofa.  Really?  Sofas are just bad ergonomics. 

Lust on the Prairie?  More like Lust in the SuburbsBikini Roundup is back on rotation on Showtime, though!

Thank you, Belinda Gavin, for making dreams come true!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Meditations of a Mountain Man


When I close my eyes and take a deep breath I often find myself high in a forested mountain with fresh, clean air.  Sometimes it is in an ashram1, meditating in lotus2, senses turned inward to my breath and heartbeat, third eye3 blazing.  Sometimes it standing near a beaver pond, senses turned outward, listening for Bugs Boys4 or Old Ephraim5, with my trigger finger on my Hawken6 ready for the chance to make meat7.

Inside me there is a vegetarian yogi who practices pranayama regularly and is concerned about his meditation, because sometimes it’s too easy to get lost in the Atmamya kosha8 and hard to come back.  He’s often at odds with the big bearded buy who reads and writes westerns, romps around the woods, kayaks and runs and knows way more about guns than he should.

Yesterday I left my weekly advanced yoga class, where I really started getting the hang of handstand and arm balance basics, and walked out to my car9 barefoot and blissful.  When I started up the radio came on and this was the song that was playing:



For once, the two sides got along great.

And now for the footnotes:

1- Forest academy, a place for spiritual or religious contemplation
2- Cross legged seated position
3- Place of focus related to the pineal gland
4- Blackfoot Native American tribe
5- Grizzly bear
6- Muzzle loading rifle favored by fur hunters
7- Hunting for game
8- Inner veil the reveals connectedness to the universe and all living things
9- Subaru Forester, of course