Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

Sheep, Cattle, and Agricultural Science

I was looking through some of the movies I’ve purchased on Amazon recently. I don’t buy a lot of movies, but some are just a little harder to find and worth having on hand. Two of them are western comedies- A Million Ways to Die in the West and Rustlers’ Rhapsody.

What struck me is that both movies have the same core conflict: cattlemen versus sheepherders. It’s a trope that shows up a lot in Westerns, and it often plays like a joke—something about smelly sheep, or cattlemen just finding sheepherders annoying. But in some movies, it feels like there’s an underlying ethnic tension. In Rustlers’ Rhapsody and maybe a few others, the sheepherders seem to be coded as Eastern European, maybe Jewish. That’s an interesting layer, but at its heart, the cattleman-sheepherder rivalry has a real, practical foundation.

It’s agricultural science.

Sheep and cattle graze in the same places—grasslands. Grasslands are great because they’re a stable food source. You put cattle or sheep on a big open range, and they eat. Simple, right? Not quite. The problem is how they eat.

Cattle munch. They eat the blades of grass, chewing it down, but leaving the roots intact. The grass grows back quickly. Sheep, on the other hand, yank the whole thing up—roots and all. Over time, this destroys the grasslands. Eventually, the grass can grow back, but not fast enough for cattle to return within a reasonable time.

So when a cattleman sees a sheepherder moving in, it’s not just a personal grudge—it’s survival. If sheep go through an area, the land becomes unusable for cattle, maybe permanently. That’s the real reason you see this conflict show up again and again in Westerns. It’s not just about smell or stubbornness—it’s about the land itself.



Thursday, November 30, 2023

Staring into the Campfire

At the end of the summer this year I spent almost eight days camping in a patch of desert called Salt Flat, TX.  Every morning Mrs. Slap and I got up just after sunrise and cooked breakfast; when it started to get hot we went up into the Guadalupe Mountains to hike; towards sunset we found some shade, made dinner, then watched the nightly dance.  Sunset in the mountains to the west, Milky Way spiraling overhead, full blood red moon rising over the mountains in the east.  On a busy day we might see five other people.

What passes for reality set in with work, crowds, politics, inflation, family, war, plague all crushing in as we got back to civilization.  I wasn’t right for days.  Weeks.  Months.  I miss it.

I think often about a pair of conversations in the film Jeremiah Johnson:

Bear Claw Chris Lapp: [Seeing the striped military trousers Jeremiah's wearing] Missed another war down there, hmm?

…and later…

Jeremiah Johnson: How does the war go?

Lt. Mulvey: Which war?

Jeremiah Johnson: The war against the President of Mexico.

Lt. Mulvey: Why, it's over.

Jeremiah Johnson: Who won?


No one wins.  The war in Ukraine is going to drag on into another attritional trench war for years, or someone is going to have to decide to cede the East to Russia.  The war in Gaza is… I have no idea where that was going.  Anyone with sense can tell that Iran pushed Hamas into attacking with a bunch a crazy “hail mary”s hoping to provoke an over-response from Israel that would pause or cancel the impending Saudi-Israel formal alliance that was in the works.  I doubt anyone thought Hamas would get as far or do as much damage as it did, or that Israel would have to save face with an endless shock & campaign followed by a ground invasion.  This is the Iran-Saudi cold war turned very hot, and it’s bringing in resources from all over.  Including every American’s tax dollars which are going to munitions fired into Gaza.  All because someone in Tehran got a smart idea.  And people are going to forget about the 1,200 deaths and innumerable attrocities in Israel as the body count goes well into the tens of thousands in Gaza.  No one wins.



And then there’s Trump, who might still be President again despite it all.  The average life expectancy for a male in the US is 77.28 years.  Maybe nature will play the odds and clear the slate.  I’m still holding out for a Romney-Manchin 3rd party run. 


Via con dios, pards.

Friday, July 7, 2023

Muddy Mama, River Mama

When you go looking for old westerns you run across a lot of oddballs.  This is one that I found under both River Mama and Muddy Mama.  IMDB has a good synopsis of the plot, although I bet folks didn't watch it for the plot:

Mac "Diamondback" Blackjack and his sidekick Moon haul cargo in their little sternwheeler - but the bulk of their living is made as white slavers, selling lovely young ladies to the gamblers and sod-busters living up-river. Maude is running away from the farm, seeking a life of excitement in old Orleans. Her plan is to hop a ride on Mac's riverboat, unaware of the true nature of his business. Mac is happy to oblige, and wastes no time breaking in "Muddy Maude." Maude, however, is none too happy with his disrespectful attitude, and teams up with Mac's three captives to plan a mutiny. Mac and Moon are forced off the boat, and the girls decide to turn it into a showboat. They all have a swinging time with their customers - and Maude gets sweet on Tim Sweetbreath. The future appears to be rosy ... but unbeknownst to the girls, Mac and Moon are coming back for reclaim their boat..





Thursday, June 8, 2023

The Original Brokeback


 Amazing scenery porn, evocative love story, and Anne Hathaway naked.  This really was about the best film ever made.






Friday, October 7, 2022

How Wild Wild West Almost Ruined My Marriage


Back in the 1990’s I lived in a town with a pretty cheap movie theater and an even cheaper second run theater.  Mrs. Slap and I went to the movies a lot, usually once a week or more, and back in those days you assumed that you wanted to see movies in the theater- no steaming yet, no big flatscreens at home, etc.  We also read a lot of movie magazines (that actually came in the mail!) so we knew what was coming out and what we wanted to make sure to see.

In the summer of 1999 I was really excited to see Wild Wild West, with Will Smith as Jim West and Kevin Klein as Artemis Gordon.  I was a big fan of the original series and Smith was on a roll with his buddy action comedies.  Unfortunately, that was also a busy summer, including a move to our first two bedroom apartment, and we didn’t make it the Wild Wild West at the first run theater.  Okay, we’ll see it at the second run.  Then that window was closing, on the last day that we had to move out of our apartment.

I must have been whining about missing the movie, and annoying Mrs. Slap, so she kicked me out to go see the last show at the second run.  The right move would have been to say “no, honey, I love you and supporting you and our family is more important than seeing potentially the greatest movie ever”, but we’d only been married a couple years by that point and I was stupid.  Off I went to see the masterpiece Wild Wild West.

It sucked.

I came home to find Mrs. Slap dirty and tired from the final cleanup of the old apartment.  I caught a look that I had never seen before and, more than two decades later, don’t think I’ve seen since.  We recovered and loved that new apartment for the next two years.  Lesson learned.

Sunday, October 2, 2022

Ravenous: “Eat to live. Don’t live to eat.”

Have you seen this movie yet?  If not, do so with utmost haste.  It really is a marvel, and if I write very much about it I will be giving away some of the great twists.  In short, Ravenous is the story of a US Army officer who, after being grievously wounded in the Mexican War, is assigned to a sparsely populated “fort” in deep in a mountainous frontier.  Things go… strangely, and a substantial amount of mayhem, murder, and madness ensue.  Add in fantastic acting (from Guy Pearce, Robert Carlyle, Jeffrey Jones, Jeremy Davies, John Spencer, Neal McDonough and David Arquette), beautiful scenery, and a haunting score, and it’s a winner. 

It might be a horror movie, a cannibal movie, and/or a western, and one film critic saw it as a gay romance.  See it and let me know.

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Cowboy Spank Inferno, or; Spanking, the Other Cowboy Way

I wrote a draft of this probably eight years ago, after stumbling across a vigorous spanking scene in a Zane Grey short story.  This is when 50 Shades of Grey was THE phenomena sweeping the literary world and the masses were seemingly just discovering the wonderful world of spanking and BDSM.  It was with irony that I kept running across spanking in so many vintage western comics, movies, and books, suggesting that the love of a spanking was not a new phenomenon. 

I knew that, of course.  I’ve read Anne Rice’s stories under her naughty pseudonyms, the Story of O, 9 1/2 Weeks, a lot of Victorian smut, an erotic novel that Oscar Wilde put out under a pseudonym, and even made my way through the Marquis de Sade back in a college political philosophy class (that was the only week that the class unanimously agreed to stay late- eventually the next class had to kick us out).  I know that…


I just never expected to see it so much in classic westerns.  Perhaps it's because I had never seen McLintock, the grand daddy of cowboy spanking.  For example, here's a good read:

Eight Lessons from John Wayne's McLintock


Is this just a hetero thing?  I wish I could remember where I found this (Reddit?) but this is from a gay cowboy dating page when someone objects to being asked if he likes spanking:

"WHAT THE FUCK? I don't get it. Any guy spank me will be picking teeth out of his shit for a week. I am strictly into man on man as equals. I need a good guy to turn me on not some game. Being my partner is not some role jut anyone can fill. But whatever it takes I guess?"

They don't call it "Slap Leather" for nothin'!

The title of the post is a friendly poke at the video "Lesbian Spank Inferno" that is constantly referenced in the British sitcom "Coupling".













https://vimeo.com/16922193