Happy New Year!

 

Cowpoke Pinup of December

 

Happy Thanksgiving 2022!

 

"How come pale face always take more than he can eat?"

Puritan Burlesque to Prepare You For an Early Frontier Thanksgiving

 

Cowpoke Pinup of November

 

Ballot Time, Buckaroos!

 

Keep America strong, don't vote for assholes.

How Wild Wild West Almost Ruined My Marriage

Back in the 1990’s I lived in a town with a pretty cheap movie theater and an even cheaper second run theater.  Mrs. Slap and I went to the movies a lot, usually once a week or more, and back in those days you assumed that you wanted to see movies in the theater- no steaming yet, no big flatscreens at home, etc.  We also read a lot of movie magazines (that actually came in the mail!) so we knew what was coming out and what we wanted to make sure to see.

In the summer of 1999 I was really excited to see Wild Wild West, with Will Smith as Jim West and Kevin Klein as Artemis Gordon.  I was a big fan of the original series and Smith was on a roll with his buddy action comedies.  Unfortunately, that was also a busy summer, including a move to our first two bedroom apartment, and we didn’t make it the Wild Wild West at the first run theater.  Okay, we’ll see it at the second run.  Then that window was closing, on the last day that we had to move out of our apartment.

I must have been whining about missing the movie, and annoying Mrs. Slap, so she kicked me out to go see the last show at the second run.  The right move would have been to say “no, honey, I love you and supporting you and our family is more important than seeing potentially the greatest movie ever”, but we’d only been married a couple years by that point and I was stupid.  Off I went to see the masterpiece Wild Wild West.

It sucked.

I came home to find Mrs. Slap dirty and tired from the final cleanup of the old apartment.  I caught a look that I had never seen before and, more than two decades later, don’t think I’ve seen since.  We recovered and loved that new apartment for the next two years.  Lesson learned.

Quick Shots: Dust of the Damned

I was really excited to see this novel announced by my (once) favorite western writer Peter Brandvold. 

His first weird western, Bad Wind Blowing, was one of my favorite reads when I jumped into the genre, and I gave it a glowing review here.  The Lou Prophet series was still running strong with great writing, but was starting to fade a bit as Brandvold was getting more into writing under house names for series like Longarm.  His writing was becoming more just the typical paperback western, but surely something like a weird western would let him write something vibrant and unique. 

So how was the book?  There are… goblins in the west?  The Civil War ended with orcs?  Somehow things are just still humming along?  Something like that.  There was a plot, perhaps, and maybe some characters who were flatter than the Llano Estacado.  I read a few very forgettable chapters, put a bookmark in it, then said I’d get back to it.  That was about eight years ago.  I’ve picked it up occasionally, flipped through, and just couldn’t care enough to got back to it.

To be fair, here's the official description: "A novel about werewolves, ghouls, and cowboys, all fighting for their piece of the American frontier.

The Hell’s Angels are a gang of werewolves who have escaped from Hellsgarde Federal Penitentiary. They were the ones who tore the Confederates into submission at Gettysburg for Lincoln, thus ending the Civil War. Now they’ve headed West—to join the legions of other ghouls . . .

Armed with an arsenal of weapons, the deadliest being Marshal Angel Coffin, notorious ghoulhunter Uriah Zane must stop the hordes of shapeshifting creatures pushing west. Together, Zane and Coffin must stop the werebeasts from attaining final dominion over the earth—with humans as their servants..."

Sounds good, I wonder if we'll get it one day?

I miss those early days when Brandvold’s writing was fresh and it was all still new to me.  The buffalo are gone, the railroad’s come through, and the cat house has turned to a Starbucks.

Zombie Saloon

 

Ravenous: “Eat to live. Don’t live to eat.”

Have you seen this movie yet?  If not, do so with utmost haste.  It really is a marvel, and if I write very much about it I will be giving away some of the great twists.  In short, Ravenous is the story of a US Army officer who, after being grievously wounded in the Mexican War, is assigned to a sparsely populated “fort” in deep in a mountainous frontier.  Things go… strangely, and a substantial amount of mayhem, murder, and madness ensue.  Add in fantastic acting (from Guy Pearce, Robert Carlyle, Jeffrey Jones, Jeremy Davies, John Spencer, Neal McDonough and David Arquette), beautiful scenery, and a haunting score, and it’s a winner. 

It might be a horror movie, a cannibal movie, and/or a western, and one film critic saw it as a gay romance.  See it and let me know.

Cowpoke Pinup of October & Welcome to Weird West Month!

 

Here at Slap Bookleather the posse is eager to round up a bunch of weird western content for the spooky month of Halloween.  We'll kick things off with this pinup from the Western Horror game Darkwatch, reviewed way back in the first year of the blog!

Cowboy Spank Inferno, or; Spanking, the Other Cowboy Way

I wrote a draft of this probably eight years ago, after stumbling across a vigorous spanking scene in a Zane Grey short story.  This is when 50 Shades of Grey was THE phenomena sweeping the literary world and the masses were seemingly just discovering the wonderful world of spanking and BDSM.  It was with irony that I kept running across spanking in so many vintage western comics, movies, and books, suggesting that the love of a spanking was not a new phenomenon. 

I knew that, of course.  I’ve read Anne Rice’s stories under her naughty pseudonyms, the Story of O, 9 1/2 Weeks, a lot of Victorian smut, an erotic novel that Oscar Wilde put out under a pseudonym, and even made my way through the Marquis de Sade back in a college political philosophy class (that was the only week that the class unanimously agreed to stay late- eventually the next class had to kick us out).  I know that…

I just never expected to see it so much in classic westerns.  Perhaps it's because I had never seen McLintock, the grand daddy of cowboy spanking.  For example, here's a good read:

Eight Lessons from John Wayne's McLintock

Is this just a hetero thing?  I wish I could remember where I found this (Reddit?) but this is from a gay cowboy dating page when someone objects to being asked if he likes spanking:

"WHAT THE FUCK? I don't get it. Any guy spank me will be picking teeth out of his shit for a week. I am strictly into man on man as equals. I need a good guy to turn me on not some game. Being my partner is not some role jut anyone can fill. But whatever it takes I guess?"

They don't call it "Slap Leather" for nothin'!

The title of the post is a friendly poke at the video "Lesbian Spank Inferno" that is constantly referenced in the British sitcom "Coupling".

https://vimeo.com/16922193

Cowpoke Comedy

 

Cowpoke Pinup of September

 

The Rifleman in Comics

Quickshots: El Topo; Jodo? No Bueno!

Here's an apt description of this movie: See the naked young Franciscans whipped with cactus. See the bandit leader disemboweled. See the priest ride into the sunset with a midget and her newborn baby. What it all means isn't exactly clear, but you won't forget it.

I tell you I tried.  I really did.  As someone who likes creepy, sci-fi, existential, weird, western, and art films, I am right in the target demographic for Jodorowsky.  However, I have not been able to make it through a single movie or comic book of his.  El Topo, his "masterful" western, is no exception.

Dumping the Saddle Bag all Over Your Screen

Sometimes I post because I read something inspiring.  

Sometimes I post because I have something to say.  

Sometimes I post because there is a need to express something deep inside of me and I struggle to find a way to get it out.  

Sometimes I post because I saved a bunch of funny images to Drop Box and I need to clear up some space.

Saddle Tramp

Haven't seen this one, but take a good look at that first image.  That's Hyapatia Lee and Nina Hartley!  Two legends.  Hyapatia Lee is of Cherokee descent and made an effort to do respectful Native American themed adult films.  Not sure if Saddle Tramp counts (although she did write this one as well as star in it), I think she made a better effort in a movie called Snake Dance that I'll post about eventually.

The Good, The Bad, and the Horny 2

I will admit that I have not seen this one.  I really want to see the first before I see the sequel so I can fully embrace the story.

Lipps & McCain

Haven't seen it, to the best of my understanding this is a bio-pic of Senator John McCain's family coming to Arizona.  

The Legend of Barbi-Q and Little Fawn

I can't even make a joke about this one.  

The Diamond Stud

Is this a dirty movie or just a movie from a time when they were dirtier in general?  Here's a quote from the IMDB page:

"This film is about the successful "two-bit chiseling son of a bitch" Diamond Jim. He rides his personal rail around the country, smoking cigars and having love affairs."

Calamity Jane

This might be a selection of deleted scenes from Deadwood.  

Powder Burns

I have no idea what this is about, but look, guys on horses!  Also good to see that the Playboy Bunny look has been around since the 19th century.

The Bone Ranger

From IMDB:

"On Reptilon, a twin planet to Earth, dinosaurs never became extinct, but evolved into two races of highly intelligent space travelers - the Dinosaucers and the Tyrannos. The desperate Dinosaucers have arrived on Earth seeking new energy sources. Tyrannos, however, share nothing and are determined to conquer Earth. It's up to four kids and the Dinosaucers to outmaneuver and outwit the Tyrannos."

That might be a different version of The Bone Ranger.

You Deserve a Barrage of Jane Russell

 

Cowpoke Pinup of August

 

Pondering that Picture of Josephine Marcus Earp, aka "Sadie"

Josephine "Sadie" Marcus Earp was the mistress-turned-wife of famed lawman Wyatt Earp.  Legend has it that, searching her family belongings after her death, a nude photograph of Mrs. Earp fell out of  book that had belonged to her husband.  This image might have been it- hard to tell, as as I've read that this isn't really Sadie, but popular legend says it is.  This is back in the days before you whipped your phone out of your pocket to text nudes to your boyfriend; heck, this was before digital cameras and Polaroid.  In the 1880's you really had to go out of your way to get a naked picture to your loved ones.

This image was recreated in the dueling Wyatt Earp films of the 1990's.  Tombstone is most people's favorite, but Mrs. Slap and I agree that Wyatt Earp was best.  They both did a nice job with Sadie.