Ah, the Confederacy—the biggest bunch of sore losers in American history. Not only did they start a war to keep people enslaved, but after losing, they somehow still managed to get military bases named after them. Because nothing says "land of the free" like honoring men who fought to destroy the country. But don’t worry, the U.S. military has finally started scrubbing their names off the map, so let’s take a moment to run some numbers and see just how much damage these traitors managed to do before their well-earned defeat.
Confederate Generals and Military Bases
For decades, the U.S. had military bases named after these nine Confederate losers:
Henry L. Benning (Fort Benning, Georgia) – Pro-slavery extremist, great guy.
Braxton Bragg (Fort Bragg, North Carolina) – Universally despised even by his own side.
John Bell Hood (Fort Hood, Texas) – Led his men straight into destruction, repeatedly.
Leonidas Polk (Fort Polk, Louisiana) – A bishop who thought Jesus was cool with slavery.
John Brown Gordon (Fort Gordon, Georgia) – Later became a Klan leader. Lovely.
Ambrose Powell Hill (Fort A.P. Hill, Virginia) – Died still thinking the Confederacy would win. Adorable.
George E. Pickett (Fort Pickett, Virginia) – His "charge" was basically the Civil War’s version of running with scissors.
Edmund Rucker (Fort Rucker, Alabama) – A cavalry guy who helped burn stuff down for fun.
Robert E. Lee (Fort Lee, Virginia) – Turned down an offer to be the field commander of the US Army, worst career decision ever.
Civil War Casualties and Proportions
The Civil War remains the deadliest conflict in American history, with 698,000 deaths. Let’s divvy that up among these nine Confederate figures:
698,000 deaths ÷ 9 generals = 77,556 deaths per general
Imagine being so committed to an evil cause that you're statistically linked to 77,556 deaths. Now let’s zoom out.
Deaths as a Percentage of the 1860 U.S. Population
Back in 1860, the U.S. population was 31,443,321. So let’s see how much of the country the Confederacy managed to help kill:
(698,000 ÷ 31,443,321) × 100 = 2.22% of the U.S. population
And per general:
(77,556 ÷ 31,443,321) × 100 = 0.247% of the U.S. population per general
Each of these clowns was mathematically tied to about a quarter of a percent of the entire country’s population. Truly inspiring—if you’re into mass death and treason.
Drawing Parallels to the COVID-19 Pandemic
Fast forward to today, where another historic tragedy unfolded—this time, through a virus rather than bullets. The 2025 U.S. population is estimated at 341,145,670. So if we apply that 0.25% figure:
0.0025 × 341,145,670 = 852,864 people
And wouldn’t you know it? The U.S. hit 852,864 COVID-19 deaths in early 2022—almost the same fraction of the population that each of these Confederate generals contributed to through sheer arrogance, incompetence, and cruelty.
Final Thoughts
Numbers don’t lie, but people sure do. The Confederacy was not noble, not misunderstood, and certainly not worthy of honor. Their cause was slavery, their methods were brutal, and their legacy was failure. Yet somehow, their names got slapped on military bases meant for the actual defenders of America. Fortunately, history has a way of course-correcting, and their names are finally being removed from places of honor.
So, let’s take their memory and put it where it belongs—deep in the footnotes of history, right next to "horrible ideas that got a lot of people killed."
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