National Public Radio is a constant in my home on the weekends, and once Car Talk and Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me play, the radio just stays on through Prairie Home Companion. It’s a show that I find annoying as often as I find it interesting, but one recurring sketch that always gets me is Lives of the Cowboys.
Lives of the Cowboys is about two middles aged, English major cowboys, Lefty and Dusty, who ride across the wide open prairie ruminating on love, life, and the difficulty of being liberal cowboys. In a recent episode, the two cowboys were riding into Texas to renew their cowboy license, which apparently modern cowboys must do every ten years.
“What are you worried about, Dusty?” asked Lefty.
“I’m worried about riding into to Texas with a guy named Lefty carrying an ACLU card!” said Dusty.
“Don’t worry, Dusty, ACLU is my Arizona Cowboy Life Underwriting policy card.”
Once in Texas, the two line up for their cowboy tests, consisting of the "Six S"es- Sweat, Spit, Saunter, Squat, Stand Your Ground, and Saloon Fight. All goes well until Lefty hits Saloon Fight, at which point he comes face to face with an honest to god Valkyrie, complete with a winged helmet, breast plate, and mad mezzo soprano opera skillz. Mayhem and lust ensue, as it often does, leaving Lefty with a broken heart.
There is something great about introspective, literate, hetero life mate cowboys riding the range, talking philosophy, and getting into adventures. In fact, gather round the fire, younker, and let me tell you about the time that Thomas Jefferson and me invaded England…