Custer's Folly

 

Codee! On a Steel Horse She Rides

 

Wrestle You Way Into the New Year with Toni Storm

In the spirit of total transparency, I started staging posts to cover all of 2024 way back in the late summer of 2023, because I loved the notion of filling my blog in it's 12th year with more posts than ever before.  A lot of that was finding the random pictures I've collected and putting them on posts.  I found this collection of someone I believe is a professional wrestler, in a vaguely western themed photo shoot, and decided to kick of the year with this.  So enjoy.  Or not.  The last few years have been a crap shoot.  God may not play dice with the universe, but he sure does play Russian Roulette with you.

Cowpoke Comedy

 

Quick Shots: Dust

I will now do my best to explain the film Dust.

It is a UK-Italian-German-Spanish-Macedonian spaghetti western.  

Yup, that might actually be the best way to sum this one up!

It’s actually pretty good, a nice mix of action, sex, and a hint of artistic flourish that you love in the cool spaghetti westerns of the 1970’s, although this one was released in 2001.  The narrative structure has been described as Cubist; it hops time frames and viewpoints like mad.  At first you might not realize you are watching a western, but hang in there!

Joseph Fiennes (Shakespeare in Love and every historical drama you loved) and David Wenham (Lord of the Rings, 300, Van Helsing, etc) star, which is way more acting chops than you might expect.  The story interestingly starts in the American west then ends up in the Balkan Wars of the early 1900s (and you may recall that pre-9/11 the Balkans were center of armed conflict, genocide, and geopolitical posturing between crumbling superpowers, whereas today most people either can’t find them on a map or vaguely know that Donald Trump’s 3rd wife is from there).

Great acting in an art film / western with sex and gunfights  Go see it already!

St. Patrick's Day, Deep Roots, & the Pornographic Joys of Cultural Appropriation

I wish I could find this one.  It looks ridiculous.  A saw a quick clip and, with the help of screenshots, it seems to be the sexy ‘70s adventures of a proud native American helping vanilla white women raise their spiritual awareness with his penis.  It’s a perfect picture of the culture of the United States, and gives me a great opportunity to rant about racial politics on St. Patrick's Day. Commentary between screenshots.

The mainstream American culture (which has shifted greatly over time) comes into conflict with a minority. It smashes them, abuses them, harnesses their bodies, criminalizes their culture, then suddenly reverses course and venerates these noble people.  Rinse and repeat as he borders change and new immigrants come in.  Native Americans are the clearest and most extreme example of moving from genocide to reveneration, but there’s others.  Let’s look at my own history:

Irish?  Scum, potato farming drunks, barely better than darkies.  In fact the “white” majority made the Irish afraid of emancipation, because the blacks would all come North and take the low paying jobs that only Irish would do.  Now everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.  Kiss my ass, I actually am Irish.  (To a point- my great grandfather was a war orphan from a part of Ireland that was never really fully held by centuries of occupiers and had a lot of British troops on the prowl- there’s at least a few British soldiers in my Irish ancestry, an interesting possible precursor to the Nigerian section below.)

German?  Once the endless tide of the liberal Catholic immigrant horde fleeing war and oppression in Europe, threatening to destroy America.  Now, firmly a part of the “white” majority, despite the two world wars.  That changed fast.

Ashkenazi?  Russian AND Jewish?  Not as welcome in the United States as they thought when they took the boats over from the old country, but at least it’s better than pogroms by idiots who believed the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.  No wonder so many became gangster, just like my great grandfather, the mysterious “Mr. X”.  A century later and most Americans can quote entire episode of Sienfeld.  Be the Master of Your Own Domain. 

Nigerian?  Tough tits, America, my black great great great great great grandma was bought by my white great great great great great grandpa, they had a daughter, repeat for several generations, and my grandfather had a nice tan but never knew he was a descendant of multiple generations of slaves and their rapists.  That’s some fucked-up genetic baggage.  I’m here, I’m 1/64 Black, and I’m here to stay.

Rant over.  Éire go Brách, Slava Ukraini.

A long, long pause in Red Dead Redemption II

 

It’s getting on nearly a year since I last picked up Red Dead Redemption II for more than just a few minutes.  It’s not that I don’t like the game.  In fact it’s one of the greatest games I’ve ever played, and I think about it and the narrative all the time.  The problem is that I know where it’s going.  Arthur, that beastly rapscallion who grows a heart despite his thuggish past, was deep into decline with tuberculosis the last time that I played.  I’ve read enough about the game to know that, much like John Marsten in RDR, Arthur does not make it to the end of the game.  Maintaining the illusion of a vital Arthur so far is worth the delayed gratification of seeing the game through to the end.

Quickshots- The Hawkline Monster

 

Two turn of the century gunslinging hitmen from the Pacific Northwest are hired by a white woman in native dress named Magic Child to kill the monster that lives in the ice caves in the basement of her father’s mansion in remote Oregon.  Yes, you read that right, and it actually gets weirder from there.  This short novel from the 1970s is best described as a literary gothic horror weird western Lovecraftian comedy.  Also, sexy times.  Pretty great read. 

Gaming notes- this book makes a great inspiration for a Call of Cthulhu scenario.  Set in 1902, it’s right smack between the traditional Call of Cthulhu time setting (1920s) and the Down Darker Trails setting (1880s).

 

10 First Impressions of Red Dead Redemption 2

 

 

I’m midway through Chapter 3, here’s the impressions so far:

1. It’s almost like being in Westworld, but instead of $40k/day I bought it on sale for $30.  
2. Customizable Arthur is tons of fun.
3. Although set 12 years earlier, it captures the “end of the frontier” feeling better than the original.  
4. A lot of it plays like a frontier simulator rather than a strict RPG or action game, which I’ve really enjoyed.
5. I haven’t been this attached to characters since the Mass Effect series. 
6. Constantly torn between growing a massive mountain-man beard and shaving it down to a cool yet massive mustache.  In the mean time most of my money has gone to hair tonics.
7. This is probably the best written game I’ve ever played.  
8. One weak point in the writing so far is Dutch; he’s a little less fleshed out than in the original, but then again he was the most engaging character in the original and that’s a hard bar to hit.
9. I still like the early game style of redeye better than the later versions that you learn. 
10. Looks like it’s possible to have an animal hat, buckskin clothes, a mysterious medicine bag, a giant beard, a LeMat and a rolling block Sharpes, and a bandolier of massive bullets, all while riding a giant horse, which means I’ll eventually make Arthur Morgan a twin of Mad Amos Malone.
    

The Fine Cinema of Mad Max: Fury Road

The Australian Outback after a nuclear and biological disaster is dominated by three city-states, each of which controls one vital resource- food, fuel, or ammunition.  As part of a periodic exchange of goods one of these city-states, the Citadel, manages a heavily guarded merchant caravan that connects the three city-states.  Despite being the best source of water (via a well-pressured underground spring) and food, the Citadel struggles with radiation and birth defects among its population.  The leader of the Citadel manages the social tensions generated by these birth defects in three ways.  First, by enslaving healthy men and using them as living blood banks. Second, by enslaving healthy women to act as brood mothers in hopes of birthing a generation of fit children.  Finally, by creating a Norse-inspired cult that reveres death in combat before succumbing to radiation-linked diseases.

Enter the film’s main conflict- the Citadel’s best warrior and caravan leader is a woman kidnapped from a distant matriarchal city-state as a child, who wants to free the brood mother sex slaves and with them return to her homeland across the desert.  As an experienced caravan leader she is familiar with terrain, the unusual weather hazards, and has made deals with the scattered bandits and tribes along the way for protection.  When the caravan leader makes her break for her homeland we see start to see the importance of healthy potential mothers to the new society and the strong connections between the city-states as all three bring their warriors together to recapture and re-enslave the brood mothers.  This sets up the film’s ominous question: what is more important, the continuation of a stable society, or the personal freedom of individuals?  In the finest tradition of the Western films, a lone silent gunslinger enters the plot to challenge the assumptions of the main characters and drive them to greater levels of personal understanding and introspection.

That’s Mad Max: Fury Road in a nutshell.  Or, it’s a two hour car chase with almost no dialogue.

Honestly, it’s both.  There is a rich story going on in Mad Max: Fury Road, and it’s right there for any viewer to note.  But you can also completely ignore that story and go right for the constant rev of engines and beautifully choreographed mayhem (Cirque du Solei did some of the stunts in the big fights).  If director George Miller did a film of nothing but two hours of motorcyclists in the Namib desert I would pay to see that, but have them jumping over trucks on fire?  Awesome.

My favorite part of Mad Max: Fury Road came about 2/3 of the way through, in a brief pause in the action, as Max Rockatansky himself spoke his first full line of dialogue: “Hope is a mistake.  If you don’t fix what’s broke, you’ll go insane”.

This film is brilliant.

Who Put a Cowboy in My Dungeons and Dragons Game? (Part 2, Zeke Rides In)

(See more in Part 1)

Our band of adventurers rolled into the Stolen Lands, and in a few months were able to rid a goodly chunk of territory of outlaws and monsters.  Settlers started rolling in, we made contact with all sorts of odd critters, and set up a nice, peaceful society.  Sort of.  There were kobold (little nasty dragon creatures), intelligent wolves, lizard men, etc.  I took the challenge as Zeke to redo the West in my own image, making alliances where possible, bridging cultural barriers, and forming a place of freedom where everyone can exist together.

Didn’t work out particularly well, mind you.  The little kobolds were big into enslaving our settlers that strayed near their land, and we eventually broke them of that.  Peace overtures to the lizard folk and the wolves turned to… well… I guess genocide is the right term.  The whole thing turned into one big ass war where the monsters banded together and claimed the Stolen Lands as their land, which they would defend to the end.

I admit I kind of agreed with them.  They were in the Stolen Lands a lot longer than we were.  We even had the nerve to call it the Stolen Lands, when they had been there for centuries.  Who were we to roll in and tell them what to do?  I felt like Gus lamenting his life’s work towards the end of Lonesome Dove.

We’re the fucking cavalry, that’s who, and despite being a game full of people from the mystical lands of Golarion, all the players were Americans and we were by God and Country going to kick some ass.  Well, I know that one guy is Polish, one is technically Cherokee, I think, and was that other dude born in Russia?  Fuck it, that’s close enough to American here in New England.  To war!

More to follow in Part 3.

Quickshots- Blake Edwards' Sunset

What happens when you mix James Garner playing Wyatt Earp and Bruce Willis as Tom Mix in a film directed by Pink Panther legend Blake Edwards set in 1920’s Hollywood?  You’d think genius entertainment, but really it’s a limply paced, blandly acted, wreck of a movie.  Sunset is taken from a short story by the same name about Wyatt Earp’s time in Hollywood as a technical adviser.  This being movie land, Earp ends up getting into mystery, murder, and adventure, with silent film actor Tom Mix at his side.  All the pieces are there, and you get a sense of how the plot should have worked, but somehow Sunset is significantly less than the sum of it's parts.  This 1988 film has a pretty famous cast, including Malcolm McDowell, Mariel Hemingway, and Dertmot Mulroney.  They are, alas, wasted.  The film was a box office disaster, was nominated for three Razzies, one of which Blake Edwards "won" for worst director.  Still, it is oddly engaging, and despite all of its faults you’ll still get wrapped up in it when you catch it late at night on Encore Westerns.

Here's a much more eloquent review that you may enjoy as well. 

This shirt may be the best part of the film.

 

A Dry and Dusty Place

I haven’t written in the blog for a while, largely because my usual writing time has been taken up with reading.  After a year of trying everything under the sun, I stumbled almost by accident on what may be my perfect western.  It is a three book series, and I am closing in on the end of book two.  I am holding off writing about it until I am done reading the series, but in the mean time here’s a hint- it takes place in an exotic wilderness, with the tallest mountains, deepest canyons, and most towering cliffs every seen.

Quickshots- Tim Truman’s Hawken

Hawken is a brisk, violent comic with a great premise- the main character is a grizzled, aging gunslinger who is haunted, and sometimes helped, by the ghosts of his many victims.  With art by legendary Tim Truman and co-written with his son, Hawken brings you back to the kind of comics produced by First Comics and Eclipse in the 1980’s, where bullets were in constant motion and every writer was an angry survivalist libertarian who was on the lookout for the feds and communists alike.  Hawken is the type of short, sharp, great black and white comic that you can’t wait to lay down $1.99 for whenever you want some grizzly western action.  Just one problem- Hawken has the unfortunate price tag of $3.99.  IDW has a lot of gall putting up a black and white comic in the $4 range.  This is not a comment on the quality of the comic- it is certainly there.  I just don’t want to pay for an overproduced book that would look just as good on newsprint.  I fear that comics are continuing to price themselves out of existence.